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Basically, it’s religious intolerance unless I remain completely polite in all instances, no matter what someone says? It’s religious intolerance if I emphatically distance myself from any single tenet of what someone believes?

Fuck that.

So leaving aside the hilarious irony that I seriously watched my Twitter feed fill up with Christians & Mormons eager to lecture on how horribly uncomfortable they are speaking about their religious views in mixed company to a bunch of Jews, atheists and pagans... Yeah, because we don’t fucking know what that’s like, I guess?

(Especially when previous comments by some made it rather clear that their objection was just that ohmygod we might end up being treated the way people of other faiths are?)

You think that you’re being perfectly fair, because you can’t tell what you’re asking of people. I wouldn't even be posting this except that my silence wasn't even enough, and you tracked me down twice to demand “dialogue” on the subject of whether or not it’s so fucking unfair that someone might call you homophobic if you say something homophobic. Well, and then wrote a public post because you hadn't had enough people actively and enthusiastically agreeing that you were being oppressed because someone might disagree with a view you actually hold. Previously, I had nothing to say. Now, I guess I do. Good job.

Do I sometimes feel uncomfortable when the conversation topic of "Richard Dawkins is fucking sexist, what’s wrong with the atheist community?" comes up? Yeah! But does that mean I should tell the people talking about it to STFU because they are ruining my ability to be an atheist and WAH WAH do they truly think that all people who are atheists hate women the same way he does? No. Because if you're going to point out that you aren't 100% defined by the group you belong to, then you should also be able to understand that a criticism of the group in general isn't necessarily a personal affront.

I don’t have to support or agree with everything your church says. It’s not my church. I don’t care what faith you have regarding it, or why you have that faith, or what the doctrines say. That isn’t my problem. My problem is that I cannot get away from your church. I can’t take for granted that it isn’t spending tax-free money to lobby against my rights as a human being. I can’t walk across a fucking public university campus without DAILY being harassed by your church’s missionaries who feel so entitled to my soul that they refuse to take, “No, I’m not interested.” Or “No, I’m gay,” or even “Please stop talking to me” as an answer. (One pair was so entitled that they stalked me, leaped out at me from behind public art, and yelled across large open spaces because for them it was some kind of game to make me feel unsafe. Yes. Unsafe. Because you know what feels unsafe? Two men considerably larger than I am cheerily laying physical ambushes for me. With Very Nice Smiles.) I can’t participate in a conversation about sexism in SF without getting derailed into you demanding that I console you because someone else dislikes that you TAKE ACTUAL HOMOPHOBIC ACTIONS.

If you want to start dialogue with, “I want to discuss this but refuse to change any aspect of my faith,” then why the fuck should I participate? What’s in it for me, except a gradual wearing down of my defenses until I smile pretty and agree that why yes anything you say is totally acceptable regardless of any potential harm it may do to others?

There is a tendency within the SFF community to demonize those who hold controversial opinions even when those opinions are expressed politely. This is divisive. Please stop.

Okay, two things:

1) Yeah, because the opinions themselves aren’t divisive? To point at another ongoing kerfluffle – Resnick and Malzberg worded their articles perfectly politely, and what they wrote was fucking awful. Here’s the thing. By the time I get to the point where I’m not polite anymore? THE DIVISION HAS ALREADY HAPPENED. Do you really think that if everyone smiles and swallows their harsh words that it means nothing hurtful has been said?

2) Wow, it must be really nice to be so privileged that as long as nobody raises their voice, you feel welcome and comfortable. That must be fucking amazing. You know what makes me feel unsafe in a space? When someone rolls out some bullshit about queers and then nobody SAYS ANYTHING BACK because we’re all just being nice here and arguing isn’t nice. Fuck nice.

That all said, if you want to talk about how there are a lot of people at SF conventions who say fucking awful things to one another without realizing that what they just said was awful, well, yeah. Someone could write a book.

Do I hate you? No. Do I hate your faith? No. Do I hate your church? No. But if you’re asking me to pretend that I have no problems with anything done in its name, then you are asking too much of me.

Comments

gwendolynclare
Jun. 8th, 2013 01:03 am (UTC)
I naively hoped that a gentle, compassionate conversation about the issue would help her grok why her position is problematic, but she doesn't seem to understand that there's a big difference between "X isn't right for me" and "X isn't right for anyone, ever". If we want to be a welcoming community, the one thing we can't tolerate is intolerance.
rose_lemberg
Jun. 8th, 2013 01:14 am (UTC)
It is, sadly, only in rare and amazing cases that gentle, compassionate conversation helps people of privilege recognize and check their privilege. People who are differently marginalized are usually more open to hear about the marginalizations of others.
gwendolynclare
Jun. 8th, 2013 01:25 am (UTC)
The irony here is that her experience of marginalization within the SFF community, as she describes it, sounds awfully similar to the experiences of lots of other marginalized people. Feelings of rejection, invalidation, and dehumanization? Feeling like you have to hide an important part of yourself? Gosh, that doesn't sound familiar at all. And yet, she still can't find the necessary sympathy to understand the situation from someone else's perspective.
rose_lemberg
Jun. 8th, 2013 01:27 am (UTC)
Yes, it is sadly a running joke between my neuroatypical friends that neurotypicals (especially privileged neurotypicals) often find theories of mind so difficult.

Her marginalizations are minor compared to what many of us are facing.

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